Stuck, trapped in the midst of war
Everywhere I turn,
Rifles fire, bullets blaze
Through a sky turned into a sheet of black
My mind is lost
And I cant get out.
The choking black smoke clouding the air,
That once was full of blue,
Soldiers crouched on the ground,
Like tigers waiting to attack.
I’m stuck here,
I can’t get out.
The mud-filled trenches
The gashing blood red wounds.
The horrified yells that are hidden
By echoes of shots
Blasts and
Bangs.
It’s my duty to serve,
Serve my country,
My countries allies
Respect my countries decisions
No matter what fate lies ahead.
Death, Destruction, Fear
I must obey my duty.
To fight or die.
4 comments:
Good rhyme and alliteration.
Images are well match to your poem.
Sometimes you made some effective pause, those were very effective.
Next time, maybe you can use some simile and metaphor.
Nandini, great poem. One thing I noticed was that you didn't have a title to your poem and I think that a title would be effective to start off the poem. I thought you had really good imagery, especially in the first stanza. I thought this piece was very touching and makes the reader emotional. I liked the repetitive part with the "And I can't get out". The onomatopoeia was quite effective with the sounds of the guns. Lastly, I think the last stanza was really the best because it truly shows how faithful this person is but how much he/she wants to get out of the dilemma. Great job again.
Sophia<3
good alliteration and repetitions. you did a really nice job on this piece but maybe you could use similes and metaphors and a bit more onomatopoeia. YAY
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