I sat there, nervous yet with a hint of excitement, as the roller coaster went clunk, clunk, clunk as it crept up to the top of the path. I sat, waiting to see exactly how steep this coaster was. As I saw the ride up slowly stopping, I clutched to the bar tighter, and tighter, and my body became as stiff as stone. Then, for a brief moment, long enough for me to realize we were about to drop, we suddenly fell down the track with a swoosh in an instant. The cart, zipped down and around the track like a hungry wild animal chasing for its food. That instant the wind slapped my face, and frightened screams pierced through the air. As the cart vibrated, we approached the loop. My fingers tightened around the bar, again, squeezing it so hard my knuckles were turning white, and my heart beat out jagged beats. And with my eyes set on the taunting loop, we dashed for it, instantly upside down.
But as quick as it happened, it ended just as quick. The cart abruptly came to a halt, and I started breathing normally. My muscles relaxed and I knew it was safe to let go of the bar--that I was holding onto for my life.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Roller Coaster
Posted by Nandini at 8:51 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
It's good, you done the very well. You described how you feel when you ride the roller coaster. Sometimes you used simile to help picture your writing. But maybe you could also describe how roller coaster looks like.
Nandini, I really liked your piece and loved how you started it. It grabs you in as you explain how you were nervous yet excited at the same time. The sound effect of ‘clunk, clunk, clunk’ and then how it ‘crept’ up was a really good choice of vocabulary. I loved how you showed you anxiety to look down from the top of the coaster. It made me laugh a little when you said you ‘just briefly’ knew that were going to drop. I liked the part where you said that the wind ‘slapped’ your face and that you were SO frightened when going down. I also enjoyed the end where you told us that you were holding on to your life and that you just relaxed when the ride came to a stop. I didn’t find anything that needed anything except that you didn’t capitalize one ‘i’ but that is it. You did a great job.
I like your describing verbs. It makes me feel like I am on the roller coaster. I like the sound effect of 'clunk clunk clunk'. I also like how you started. Overall it is very good.
Post a Comment